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We can't continue like this - Lucile

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We can't continue like this - Lucile

Indlæg by Gæst on Søn 26 mar - 3:13

Timeline: Current time.
Time of day: Late night, not far off sunrise.
Place: Northern Ashen Wood Forest.
Surroundings: A research camp with dead bodies scattered around.
Weather: Cold and almost open sky.
Attire: But more worn and bloodstained, without the watch.
Dedicated to: @Lucile <3


As he stared at the young man's dead mortified expression, he heard someone running towards him, but paid little attention to it as he wasn't afraid of anything in his state of mind, and the fact that Wade and Tatia did not react to it. He could feel her stare without looking at her, he let out a faint sigh before he was slashes by her nails, barely reacting to it. Her being angry was one of the predicted reactions he had, even though she seemed more healthy than when he left her. It was first when she yelled at him he realized that it was Lucy and not Lucile talking, which surprised him, but explained the rage more. Despite that, he didn't break his stare at the body, but he heard everything she said, and it hurt, because it was all true, he was supposed to protect her, yet he had let her down so many times he had lost count. He let her grab him by the collar without reacting, letting her blow off the steam she needed to calm down. But when she saw what he was, shame started filling him up, so he gulps as he turns his face the opposite direction of Lucy. He didn't want her sympathy, or her understanding, he felt better when she slashed him, taking her anger out on him, because it was justified.

As Wade talked to Tatia about leaving, he heard them with his enhanced hearing, and it was a good thing that they were, Tatia needed caring for and it was not safe around here, he only wished they would take Lucy with them. When she sat down in front of him, he looked to the side, avoiding looking at her.. and the wound.. clenching his teeth as he did so. The things she said affected him, even if his heart was not beating anymore, he could still feel pain in it. She didn't understand, and why would she? she was only there for as a ride along. He opened his mouth and uttered the words faintly "Why fix her?...  Don't you see.. this is a good thing?.." Why couldn't she just agree to forget about him? She carried no love for him, that had been proven many times up to now, so why did she care so much? If he was gone, she would be in a safer situation, isn't that what Lucy was all about? Keeping Lucile safe, at all cost? Of course he cared about Lucile, that wasn't even a question, going through with this would mean he was never going to see their child.. He would never have that moment in the meadow that Lucia showed him.. Cozying up to Lucile on a warm summer day, seeing their children run around in the field.. But that dream was gone either way, being what he was, rendered the dream impossible, breaking his already dead heart. This would be better for them all, she wouldn't even have to get over him, because she didn't know him, it was the perfect time.

But then she started telling him about what had happened to her in the cage, about the man that tried to rape her. He knew she wanted to get a rise out of him, make him angry, react. The more detailed she got the more he felt the rage taking over, his breathing became longer and deeper, there was even a very faint growl at the bottom of it, the hands laying in on the ground had become clenching fists. But when she's done, he realizes that rage wouldn't solve anything, its what brought him here in the first place. So the rage turns to grief as he imagines what she went through. He closes his eyes and clenches his teeth as tears starts to run down his face. His voice is cracking, and faint as it was, didn't make it easier to understand. "That's why it's better.. that she stays away from me... Ramsay found her because of me... the baby almost died because of me.... she almost got.. raped... because of me... and just now, I.. almost killed her.." He exhales but it gives away that he is holding back more grief than he's showing. "All of this.. happened as i tried to save her.. If i were to.. disappear.. these things would stop happening.. We both know that." He sniffs and gulps as he looks up at the sky again, hoping she was unaware what was coming in not too long.

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Re: We can't continue like this - Lucile

Indlæg by Gæst on Søn 26 mar - 3:37


As he questioned fixing Lucile she scoffed loudly. “And then what? She looks at the baby, remembers everything, and then you’ll be gone? Is that good to you?” she asked in all seriousness. They wouldn’t know what the future could bring, so at least having him to fix Lucile’s memory would give them some sort of control of it all. Why couldn’t he see that? She clenched her teeth and hands as this just made her that more angry. Would it help to beat some sense into him? She pushed the thought away.
She listened to him but it didn’t make sense to her, how was all this his fault? “Nicholas. You know. You’re pretty fucking stupid, at least right now. I hope you realize that” She then said in a serious yet angry tone. To her it was the truth. And she was going to explain him why. “You see. You think you’re just allowed to take all the blame. As if it was even yours to take to start with and somehow would justify what’s about to happen. Do not take me for a fool, I know what you are, and morning is coming.” She then said. She shook her head and got up on her feet.
Ramsay will come back. He will get her.” She started, feeling a tear run down her cheek but she was not going to cry. She clenched her fists in anger and turned away from him. “He will take the child away from her. Rip it from her arms and do god knows what. Maybe he’ll create another one of us. Another Lucile and Lucy. This time even better, because the mother is also completely fucked up, so at least the child wont be alone, right? You can take the blame for all that you want, but know this. That child deserves the protection you can offer. At all costs. But you don’t fucking care do you?” and with that said, she felt the conversation was over. She didn’t want to say any more words to him.
So she walked away. She was hurting too, because she knew that Lucile might have had no idea what was going on at the moment, but some day she would. And Lucy wasn’t ready for that day. Her heart felt heavy and she really wanted to turn around. She didn’t understand any of this, why would she really care about this? Had she come to love him too? She clenched her fists in anger before she just hit a nearby tree. The impact was however nothing, except from the loud scream from her mouth due to the pain. She had bruised her hand pretty bad, feeling blood run down her fingers. It didn’t matter. None of it did. “Maybe I should kill us too. That would be neat! Such a tragic story! The loving couple dead at the same time! Wouldn’t you love that, Nicholas? Wouldn’t that just be amazing!” she yelled loudly as she started wandering off and away from the camp. Now it was her not being in the right state of mind. “Might as well go back to Ramsay then! I’m sure he’ll be nice! Only one way to find out!

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Re: We can't continue like this - Lucile

Indlæg by Gæst on Søn 26 mar - 15:17

When Lucy mentioned that the baby would remind her of the memories it would be a huge risk indeed. Seeing that she was pregnant she would eventually wonder who the father was, sparking memories. But then again, Lucy or someone else could just lie and say the father died a while ago and make up some story to make it believable. But he could see that none of it got to her, she was not going to see it his way, that was very clear. She just refused to accept his blame in this, of course she didn't know about what had happened, with Ramsay touching him and reading where she was located. He might have gone after he with or without Nicholas, but if he was not in her life, Ramsay would have no one to pressure for information, and she might have gotten away. But it was like Lucile said not that long ago, what mattered was the here and now, and it seemed Lucy knew what he was up to, she knew morning was coming..

One detail he had almost forgotten he was reminded of by Lucy, Ramsay would still come for her, and now that he had read everything in his mind, there was no safe place for her that he knew of at least, because Ramsay knew about everywhere Nicholas did. It got his attention, more so than before. What she said started to piss him off, he didn't know if she meant it or just wanted a reaction out of him, but it worked. Of course he fucking cared about her and the child, how could she even think anything different. She was right about Ramsay though, as long as he was here, she and their child would be in danger. As she walked away he followed her with his eyes, he saw how emotional she was when she hit the tree. Why? The thing he just could no understand was why she cared so much about this, it made no sense to him.

As soon as Lucy started getting sarcastic, or if she was even being serious, it lit the torch in him. As she yelled at him he immediately got on his feet and walked towards her in a quick pace before grabbing her shoulders with a tight grip "Dont, test me!" He exclaimed with a fire burning inside him. Was she really taking this so little seriously? Or was she really that emotional about it? "Why do you fucking care Lucy, huh? You've never cared before, all you do is protect Lucile, you dont care about the consequences, making her kill, leave everyone behind. You even tried to kill me and Lucile, and was planning on getting rid of the baby. So tell me, why the fuck do you care so damn much? And give me a real reason, stop bullshitting me!" His voice was loud and full of anger, he was so sick of her telling him what to do. What the fuck did she do? All she cared about was herself, that's the reason she was keeping Lucile alive this whole time, because she would die herself if Lucile did. He didn't mind the blame he got, he deserved it, he was a shitty person for her. But the Hypocrisy was just to much to handle. He realized he just told her about soemthing she was not supposed to remember, but he figured she would not notice it and just think he meant something else.

His look moved from her eyes to the wound he made on her neck, making him realize how hard he was squeezing her shoulders, guilt rises as he lets her go, taking a step back and sighs. "Youknow, you're right. Ramsay will continue to go after her, and you are also right about me, i am supposed to protect her, and our child. I'll make some use out of this fucking curse, you go home protect Lucile, seeing as that's all you do. And I'll go after him, after all, its going to be a more even fight now. I'm a monster anyway, killing him would just add to the list." He said with pure angry conviction, Instead of dying here and now, he could kill Ramsay and at least secure his family's safety first.

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Re: We can't continue like this - Lucile

Indlæg by Gæst on Søn 26 mar - 16:03

When he started talking about the past, her face lit up, in a mad smile. At this point it was safe to say that she was struck by insanity. Not because she remembered. But because she always had and him digging into it just fed her state of mind further. “You think you know what kind of person I truly am. But you don’t.” she brushed it off with a smirk. She wasn’t going to explain her reasoning. But it all came down to her understanding Lucile. Observing Lucile and Nicholas, how their relationship had grown, had drawn Lucy in. She actually cared for the both of them, but it wasn’t that she was ever going to let any of them know that. She clenched her teeth as his grip was hurting her shoulders, but she didn’t say anything to it.
Though she was the one being unstable right now, as soon as he mentioned killing Ramsay, she tilted her head to the side and slowly moved closer to him. “Killing him? You? As if you have the right to?” she asked in a distorted cheerful voice. She pushed him backwards with her hands as she got angry. “Were you the one who had to endure torture for months and months on end? Where you ripped from your body and placed into someone else’s?” she then yelled before shaking her head in disbelief as she pushed him yet another time.
Her eyes were filled with anger, because she couldn’t see the point of it all. Why would it justify anything that he killed Ramsay? He would take away the one thing that Lucile would never feel bad about doing. Did he even see that himself. It didn’t matter what he was doing at that point, standing, moving closer to her. She lifted her hand shortly before hitting him in the face with as much strength that she could use in the short range she had, making her hand sting further.
Then she exhaled deeply as she grabbed around the wounded hand, feeling better about hitting him. “I am not going to tell you what to do anymore. That is for yourself to figure out. Go get yourself killed. I’m sure Lucile will understand. And Lucia. And Jonathan. All of them.” She then said before turning away. Her shoulders were shaking with anger. She wanted to hit him again, but what purpose would it serve? She grabbed her head as a pain spread. “Alright. Fucking fine. Take over. See if I give a shit.” She mumbled at herself before leaning up against the tree. "Nicholas...." Lucile then said. "Please don't leave."

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Re: We can't continue like this - Lucile

Indlæg by Gæst on Man 27 mar - 1:38

He could see that she was actually seriously emotionally attached to this, but her answer did not satisfy him. It was as he predicted, she would never open up, and if he was being honest with himself he knew that before even asking her, it just came out because it was so annoying, her never opening up or telling anything, only throwing blame around. Of course he didn't know her, she's barely told him anything about herself, all he knew was that she was her own person, though when he tried thinking about her name it was just a blur.

Then she started to make less sense, his right to? He knew that at least Lucy wanted to be the one killing him, that was understandable, but it wouldn't change anything. "So what then, hm? You go and kill him? It's not like he knows every single part of you on top of his head, its not like he's in your head or anything, naah.. How many times have you beaten him? And why is it your right?.. No one, has any right, in taking a life.. And what do you think it will accomplish huh? The past is will remain the same, you wont feel better. If i kill him, or you kill him, or if he dies of a heart attack, the result is the same." He had a frustrated voice, he had headed butts with Lucy many times, but this time really got to him. He sighs as he continues "The fact is i am better equipped to fight him, im faster, possibly stronger, plus if I'm lucky, he doesn't know what i am, giving me a huge advantage. He will see you coming a mile away, and as long as Lucile and our child is in there, you know i wont let you go to him.." His voice had calmed down slightly, as he was tired of getting angry all the time, especially for the people he cared about, frustrating as she was at times, she was still a part of the family, to a certain degree, he still hadn't forgotten what she had done to Lucile, but he was very forgiving.

He saw the hand coming before it hit him, making him able to dodge it, but he had it coming, and she would feel better about it. He felt her fist bash into his upper lip, turning his head slightly to the side from the force. The punch had cut his lip and as he reaches up with his hand and sees that hes bleeding he puffs and grins. But as soon as feels the wound with his tongue he feels a familiar taste, her hand had left behind the blood she got from hitting the tree. He starts to hear her heart beat louder and steps a few steps away from her, looking away as a precaution. He has already made up his mind, he knew Lucy was angry, he was going to find someone to watch over her, make sure she didn't do anything stupid. He hears her angry rant, bringing his family in as a method of stopping him or something. It wasn't going to work, he had disappointed them all, Jonathan warned him not do become this, and yet here he was. Lucia may be a vampire but she is still innocent, he knew John would make sure she didn't feed on people like he had. Then there was Lucile, she did not want this, she said that, would her humanity even work on him anymore? after what he had done to her, he wasn't the same, he had removed her favorite sound in the world.. His heart was dead. Killing Ramsay would ensure his family's safety, and rid the world of something that should never have been spawned.

He started walking instead of responding to her, nothing he could say would change how she felt anyway, so there was no point. He heard he yell something but he didn't hear what, assuming it was some insults directed at him, he kept walking. But then she was back, Lucile. He gulped as he felt guilt take over again, he stopped in his tracks, not looking back at her. He wouldn't, he couldn't, He had to go, leave before it was too late, there was still things he had to do before heading directly for Ramsay. So why couldn't he move? He felt frozen, like he was not in control of his own body. He wanted to leave, but his body wouldn't let him..

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Re: We can't continue like this - Lucile

Indlæg by Gæst on Man 27 mar - 2:39

I’m not talking about me. But don’t you think that it’s at least fair to have the tormented one decide to have his life taken… or not taken? Did you ask her if she even wants him dead?” she asked in an angry tone. She definitely wanted to kill Ramsay, no doubt about that. But it wasn’t only up to her. It was as much of Lucile’s decision as it was Lucy’s and she knew that. So even if she had the chance, as long as Lucile didn’t want it, she wouldn’t go ahead with it.
She scoffed at the next thing he said. Better equipped? “Have you even been trying out your ability to fight? Do you even know if you can fight?” she asked, more in a mockery, not that she really meant to, but her emotions were running wild at this point. It was only a good thing that he let her hit him, it took off some of her anger. But it had also angered Lucile who wanted to take over again. Lucy wouldn’t really give in just yet, but ended up doing so either way, Lucile being the strongest of the two.
Lucile carefully got up from leaning onto the tree before she looked back at him. Then she carefully walked over to him before she was in range to wrap her arms around him. She pressed her face against his upper back as she tightened her grip. “I heard what you two talked about… I… I want to remember… Please make me remember.” She almost pleaded him in a muffled tone from her face pressed against the fabric of his shirt. She just knew that this feeling of calmness she felt around him must have some sort of meaning and not just be something she is making up.
If this child really is yours.. You better not leave me with it alone.. So please stay.” She said as she turned her head up, grasping his shirt around his chest area just to feel closer to him. She really had no idea but she had missed him. She had missed him so much and she didn’t even know why. And now he was going to leave her before she even had a chance to remember? She felt the tears flooding her eyes, making her sight slightly blurry, but not enough to make an actual tear – Not yet at least.
What happened next however was her instincts taking over. She rubbed the oncoming tear away with her sleeve, before carefully turning him around. She looked at his face, trying to figure out why she couldn’t remember him, cupping his face gently with her hands. She frowned lightly as this odd urge ran through her shortly before she leaned in on him, carefully kissing his lower lip in a quick but tender kiss, just to move a bit away to see his reaction, but also to figure out within why it felt so nice – And so addictive. But she realized that it was wrong of her to do. She didn’t even ask him for permission, where did she have the right to just kiss him? She let go off his face before she tried stepping back, allowing him to get his personal space back. “I’m sorry…. I don’t know why I did that… I just.. really wanted to.. It felt.. natural..” she explained as she looked away.

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Re: We can't continue like this - Lucile

Indlæg by Gæst on Man 27 mar - 18:31

As he stood there he thought about what Lucy had said to him. And she was wrong, it didn't matter if Lucile had been tormented by Ramsay, it was not her decision if he was to live or not, he already said that, no one could decide that. However, normally he would follow whatever wishes she had, so if she wanted him to live, he would not kill him. But it was different now, it wasn't about what Ramsay had done to her, to them or people in general. The reason he had to kill him was for what Ramsay would do, they all knew he was after Lucile. It wasn't about revenge anymore, it was to protect his family, making sure their future would be safe.
As for the fighting, he had no clue how to put his new strength to use, but he did know some fighting, to be able to join the field hospital in the war they had to go through extensive training in case they were attacked, not that it helped when they were..

When he feels her embrace, he closes his eyes as he missed this so much. But he didn't reacted, he stood still, not wanting to give in, and when he heard her pleading it made him clench his teeth "You're better off.. not remembering.." he whispered faintly, feeling it sting his heart as he said it. This wasn't something he wanted, not at all. He felt her grasp getting tighter as she pleaded him to stay, making his eyes get wet and a tear run down his cheek. It was heartbreaking for him, the more he stuck around the more he started to doubt what he was doing, it felt wrong, and it was, he knew that it was wrong, but it was necessary, he couldn't be selfish. The thing was, his body didn't listen to him, but it did comply to Lucile, so she had no problems turning him around, facing her. It made it all that more difficult looking her in the face has she held his, trying to figure him out. To his surprise she leaned closer and kissed him on his lower lip, it was something he couldn't resist, he had missed this more than anything, it had been such a long and shitty time without her, everything that had happened. He gave in and kissed her upper lip with the brief time her lips were on his, following her slightly after the kiss.

To her remark he responded faintly "You have no idea.." Looking down as he said it. This was so damn conflicting, all he wanted was to be with Lucile and raise their children. Just pick her up and run home, never letting go of her, make her remember every single detail, move to the woods and raise the family there with no worries. But no, of course that wouldn't happen, he had to become this thing, restricting her from so much happiness, living under constant fear that he could loose control again, and that Ramsay would eventually show up. Nothing could just be easy, not even for one moment..
He steps towards her and wraps her in a tight hug, leaning his head on her shoulder. "I love you Lucile.. that's the only thing you have to remember.. you have no idea how much i want to just go home with you.. But i can't do that.. you deserve so much better than this.." His voice is shaky but still in control. His grip around her gets tighter, but not enough to hurt her. "But when its all done.. I'll come back to you, i promise." He tried sounding more optimistic than he was, in all honesty he had no clue if he would survive it, but he wouldn't show his doubt to her.

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Re: We can't continue like this - Lucile

Indlæg by Gæst on Man 27 mar - 19:32

"It doesnt matter to me. I want to know why I feel so at ease with you... why... everything suddenly seems like it's worth it... If you take that away from me... my life will have no meaning. I will never find out why.. and all there will be is an empty spot of what should've been..." she then said with a sad tone and looked away. But it was the truth. Before she even met him, her life had no meaning.
All she did back then was to eat, talk to Lucy and exsist. She wasnt living. She was just waiting for it all to eventually end. But now, even with a wiped memory, she knew that Nicholas had changed that. And he wanted to leave? Take away her meaning? When she kissed him, she felt how he also gave into it. She felt a craving spread in her, the usual one that involved her wanting more of him. But with no memory, she wasnt sure if she could act upon them, leaving her in a conflicted state. Thats why she moved away.
She listened to him try to explain why he couldnt just not leave her, but it didnt make sense to her. She started shaking her head in disagreement, holding onto him just to make sure that he couldnt just slip away from her:" no...nonono.... please... dont do this.." she pleaded faintly as he finished talking. Her eyes were filled up with tears but she refused to give into crying. Why did his words hurt her heart like this? She blinked the tears away, feeling one roll down her cheek as she gave off a frustrated sob.
Then she noticed how it was getting lighter. She looked at him shortly before grabbing his hand with her healthy hand in a firm grip. She'd drag him all the way if she had to, but he had to get inside a tent or a house, which it would be, didnt matter to her. She walked in a fast pace, with a tight grip on his hand. He would be wise to follow seeing that the sun could come up anytime soon. She got to a house looking construction before letting go of him, opening the door to drag him with her inside.
She closed the door behind them and exhaled quietly. Then she turned to him:" Either way... you cant leave till sundown... I wont let you.." she said standing between him and the door, even though she doubted that he'd try to get out. She noticed something shiny in the corner of her eye which grabbed her attention. "Hm?"
She walked over to discover half a mirror with the other half completely shattered. And thats when she saw her hair. The uneven long strands of hair that desperately tried to keep the lenght while most of it was short, barely reaching below her jawline. She frowned and carefully touched the few long strands that were barely there before she started sobbing. She clenched her wounded hand and hit the mirror, breaking the other half so all there was would be the frame. She was lucky enough not to get cut but she didnt care, instead she covered her face and pressed her back against the wall. "Now that I have seen what I look like.. please dont look at me.. I'm.... ugly.." she mumbled in her hands with a sad tone.

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Re: We can't continue like this - Lucile

Indlæg by Gæst on Man 27 mar - 20:27

He heard how frustrating it was for her not to remember anything, wanting to know why they feel so close, and he did want to tell her, go through everything they've been through, it would be a pleasure. But doing that would make it way worse on her when he left. It would be easier to loose someone you barely know rather than someone you know and love more than anything.
As soon as he heard her response it broke his heart, made him tear up more than he was. He could feel her pain like it was radiating through her skin, and this was when she didn't remember him, he couldn't imagine how she would be if she did. He felt horrible for putting her through this, the feeling was unlike anything he had felt before, only rivaling with how he felt about almost killing her, but this time he was in control, he was intentionally leaving her, and it was breaking him.

He had been feeling weaker for a while now but it had been overshadowed by the feeling for Lucile, making him not notice until he looked up as she took his hand. "Lucile.." He said shortly as he knew what she was doing, he knew she was going to take him somewhere to hide from the morning. But instead of questioning it he let her lead him to wherever she was going, he had to get inside somewhere either way, so some extra time with her wouldn't be bad. When they arrived at a the building he could feel his skin irritating just before they got in, meaning he was trapped here until it was dark again. Thinking about it, it was probably something she knew, hoping she could make him stay or reconsider what he was doing. He was going to stay here, not that he had a choice, but he was not going to get closer to her, he couldn't let his feelings make the decisions, not now. When she blocked the door and told him that he couldn't leave, he appreciated the efforts she put into making him stay. "Alright, I'll stay here until night time again.."

He walked around the room, it seemed to have been abandoned a long time ago, everything was a mess. Then he heard glass break and he turned to Lucile, seeing a broken mirror next to her. It made him sigh, and hearing what she said made him shake his head in disbelief. He had promised himself to not get to closer to her while he was stuck here, but he found this too silly to let go. So he walks up to her and sits down in front of her, lifting her face up by the chin as he looks into her eyes with a smile. "You are the most beautiful thing alive Lucile... don't do this.. nothing could ever compare to you" he says in a calm and loving tone as his hands move from her chin to her cheek, wiping her tears away with his thumb.

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Re: We can't continue like this - Lucile

Indlæg by Gæst on Man 27 mar - 22:04

The house was in a bad shape, but the only good thing about it was that all doors and windows were blocked off, keeping all sunlight out. Lucile was barely able to see anything, had it not been for a minor crack in one of the windows, letting a minor ray of light in by the now broken mirror. She was too focused on hating her new hair that she became unaware of everything. But had she known that he was going to come near her, she would have moved away. If she had to be honest, she wasn’t expecting him to, after all, he had almost only given her signs of not wanting to be close to her.
She didn’t notice him sitting in front of her before he lifted her face up. She just looked at him while the tears were rolling down her cheeks, listening to what he said. Just the tone alone made her feel a lot better. She sniffled and put her hand over his as he placed it on her cheek. She then simply shook her head. “But my hair.. It’s uneven and ugly.. Not long and beautiful… anymore.” she objected in a devastated tone before her glanced fell down to the ground once again. Her having her long hair was what had always truly made her feel like herself.
It all came down to her childhood, the fragment that she remembered included when she was allowed outside, how people always complimented her beautiful long silver hair. And now that it was gone, what was then beautiful about her? People had never said anything but something about her hair. She suddenly pulled off his hand before almost throwing herself into his arms, hugging him tightly. Then she started crying, feeling so sad about her hair mixed with the feelings from before.
It was going to take a while before she’d finally calm down, but if he comforted her, it would pass faster. The crying went from heavily to mild, until it was small sobs and trembling exhales. She hugged his arm, having her head placed against his chest. She closed her eyes and hugged his arm tighter for a short while to loosen her grip, yet not letting go. She exhaled quietly before she opened her eyes again and stared out in the nothingness. “Nicholas… Tell me something good.” She asked in the quietest whisper as she feared her voice breaking, to then turn her face to look up at him.
She had so many questions that she really wanted to ask. But she was afraid that he wouldn’t answer them, especially when he said that he thought it was better of her not to remember. It was making her sad, not feeling like she could ask all these questions that where filling up her mind, taking all the space for any other thought to pass through. So maybe if he told her something, what he said would remove it all, make her only focus on what he was telling her.

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Re: We can't continue like this - Lucile

Indlæg by Gæst on Tirs 28 mar - 1:34

When she talked about how bad her hair was it made him smile at her, he moves his hand through her, going from her fringe to behind her ear. "It doesn't matter if its long or short, even or uneven. You look good either way, it's not just your hair that makes you gorgeous youknow.. Your tender lips, your cute nose, the deep eyes... " He had to stop because he started getting to much into it. When she jumped onto him, his arms were frozen for a second before securing her safely in his arms. He knew this was going down a path he was going to regret, making it harder to leave, if he would even be able to. But it felt so good, holding her into his arms again like before. As she started crying he put his head over hers, placing a kiss on her head as he raised a hand to the back of her head, gently going through her hair as he stroked her back with the other hand.

When she asked him for something good he looked down at her with a short smile "Something good huh?" He started thinking, and as he did, he also held her tighter as he made his way to the wall and leaned against it, still having Lucile in his arms. It was slightly so it would be more comfortable, but mainly because he had this predator feeling and having his back against the wall made him see the entire room clearly, he didn't even notice that it was that dark because of his night eyes. But as he moved the ray of sun grazed his face, leaving a burn mark, making him grunt as low as he could as he looked away from her, trying to hide it from her. Though it did remind him of something good, something to tell her, which made him smile again.

"Youknow, i don't think I've told you this before. When i met Lucia.. um.. the daughter of a good friend of ours" He knew it wasn't Jonathan's daughter but there was no point in going into details about that. "She has this ability.. she can show you your worst nightmare, or your best dream come true.." His smile got wider and wider as he talked about it. "She showed me us, you remember the meadow right? We were there, barely wearing any clothes seeing as warm as it was. I was sitting much like i am now, and you were laying with your head in my lap, letting me play with your hair. Smelling the flowers around us as our children are chasing each other laughing.." His voice is calm and warm. But it becomes more somber as he finishes. "It's all i ever wanted youknow.. it would have been so nice.." But he stops there, no point in going further into it. He knew she had a lot of questions to help her remember, but he was very hesitant to wanting her to remember anything at all.
He had been looking around the room and he eventually saw something on a table and got an idea. "Give me 2 seconds." He says quickly as he gets up and walks over tot he table, picking up some scissors, not that sharp but still usable, then returns to her, leaning on the wall with her in front of him. He holds them up to her "Do you trust me?" He says in a teasingly way.

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Re: We can't continue like this - Lucile

Indlæg by Gæst on Ons 29 mar - 0:16

As he explained what else was beautiful about her, she looked at him with a sad yet yearning expression. She knew that he was saying just the right words, already making her feel better. But it still wouldn’t stop her from crying, after all, her long hair had been there all her life and now it was gone. No words could possibly heal that parting. The cry was more of the mourn for her lost hair. She felt way better afterwards too, so it wasn’t so bad in the end.
She moved with him as he moved, she heard his hidden grunt, but had she not been busy trying to stop herself from crying further, she would have tended the burn on his face. She laid there in his arms, hugging one arm as she listened to him speak. With one hand which was placed loosely on his arm, she gently stroke it with her thumb, smiling a little bit. The smile got wider the more she heard but by the time he finished her expression faded as she stared into the nothingness of the room.
When he got up, she followed to a sitting position as her eyes barely moved. His story had loosened a buried memory, the one of her wanting to leave him. She didn’t dare to move as the scene just played out in her head. By the time it was over, he was back. She looked at him with an unreadable expression shortly before she smiled lightly, trying not to be too obvious of having discovered something. “I trust you..” she then said without a doubt in her voice. She just knew from her core that he was dear to her and digging up these memories only made that feeling stronger. She wasn’t sure if she should tell her of the memory she remembered. It didn’t make sense to her though.
She did have one question that needed answer, just to make her understand:” Did..Did I ever try to leave you…?” she asked rather nervously, before turning her back to him to expose her hair, using her hands to push the strands from the front onto her back.. She assumed that he meant cutting her hair for her. She sighed deeply with a short tremble as she was reminded of her hair now being short. It would take her a while to get used to it. “Are you sure that I don’t remind you of a boy now?” she asked, turning her face back to look at him with a serious expression.

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Re: We can't continue like this - Lucile

Indlæg by Gæst on Ons 29 mar - 2:21

As he sat down with her again he noticed that her expression was different than before, which made him curious to why that was, if it was something he said or something she thought of. He figured pressuring her for it wouldn't do any good so it would come out if she wanted to talk about it. When she said that she trusted him it got a smile out of him, hoping that he hadn't completely busted her trust after what he did. Just as he was going to turn her around for the haircut, she asked him a question, one that ripped his expression away, leaving a blank face instead. He knew exactly what she was talking about, it was not that long ago either so it was still clear as day to him. Now he knew why she had that expression of her face earlier, his story had made her remember it, thought seeing as she asked the question, it was not a clear memory to her. He felt conflicted again, telling her what happened would just start a domino effect where she would remember more and more. And that could not happen, not yet, but then if he didn't tell her anything, she would probably feel horrible, or get the wrong idea from it. "Eh..yeah.. You did, but it was for good intentions, trying to spare me from something.. Don't worry about it, everything worked out after that." His voice is calm but unsure, not because he was unsure that it worked out, but because he wasn't sure what he could say and what he could.

Seeing as she moved her hair back as he answered her, he just started cutting it, evening out everything, making it slightly shorter but only to straightening everything so look better. The only experience he had with cutting people's hair was during surgeries, so this would be one of the first times he did it out of medical reasons. But he wasn't doing anything fancy either way, it was mostly roughening out the edges. When he was finished he put the scissors on the floor next to him and brushed of the loose hair from her had and neck. As she turned around with the question he chuckled for a few seconds and answered. "Noo, of course you don't, It looks good on you." He says with a happy tone to his voice, because he meant it, he loved her long hair, but the new hair did actually look good on her. Just as he answered her, he planted a quick kiss on her lips and as he leaned back he realized how close he had gotten already, which made his smile fade away as he looked to her side "Sorry.." he said quickly. He wasn't really sorry about it, he liked it, wanted and would do more, it was tempting, but he had to stay rational, he was already too close, he couldn't get closer.

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Re: We can't continue like this - Lucile

Indlæg by Gæst on Ons 29 mar - 3:24

She was so nervous about the answer for the question. What if they actually weren’t meant to be together? What if she had hurt him in a horrible way? All she had was the memory, yet he didn’t seem to be that affected by it. Maybe it was really why he wanted to leave her as soon as day passed. Maybe he was just being this way because he did truly love her, so much that even if she did hurt him, he still wouldn’t be able to resist her. So his answer did calm her down a little, even though it wasn’t really quite enough for her to figure out what else could have happened.
She closed her eyes as she listened to the snips of the scissor, anxiously biting her lip. But she trusted that he knew what he was doing, she didn’t doubt that at all. When he was done cutting her hair, she shook her head to mess it up a little bit. Then she ran her fingers through it, slightly pouting that it was as short as it was. Her pouty face wasn’t gone when she turned to him to ask him about the hair. His answer made her pout go away in an instant and replaced with a smile.
Him kissing her wasn’t exactly the best option if he wanted to keep a distance. As soon as his lips touched hers, she felt slight shivers go down her spine in such a pleasant way, making her open her mouth in surprise as their lips parted, why did he stop? She looked confused at the ground before looking up at him as he apologized. She then turned to him and got on her knees as she grabbed his shoulders, leaning in for a tender yet eager kiss.
If he wasn’t going to stop her, she’d just go further, giving him more and more kisses, the more their lips touched, the more eager she got. She would wrap her arms around his neck, before her instincts told her to stop kissing him. Instead she loosened her grip around his neck to lean down on his throat, planting a small careful kiss to then wait for his reaction. She had no idea why it came into her head to do so, but if he didn’t have any inquiries, she wouldn’t hold back on what her instincts were telling her to do.

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Re: We can't continue like this - Lucile

Indlæg by Gæst on Ons 29 mar - 4:08

Seeing her smile after his response made him happier, after all, making her happy was what he lived for, there was nothing like it. The kiss was not planned, it just happened, like an automatic reaction that was engraved in his body. he knew it was wrong of him to do so, even if he didn't mean to do it, he still felt guilty for letting it happen, leading her on when he knew he couldn't finish it.
When she leaned in on him to continue kissing he was a bit surprised to it, but his arms still found their way to her sides and the longer he felt their lips go against each other, the more he felt human again, bringing back the past. Stopping her was not within his power, no matter how wrong it felt, the good feeling was ten times better, her arms going around his neck, her continuous kissing, it was breaking his will to struggle.
When she moved down to his neck, which was usually his sweet spot, he had an instantaneous flashback to what he did to her neck, giving him a second to snap out of it. He places his hands on her chest and stops her from reaching his neck. "I.. I'm sorry.." He said with a worried voice. Then gently pushes her further way as he gets up and walks a few steps away from her, rubbing his head while doing so. "It's not.. that i don't want to... You have no idea how much i want to continue that.." His voice is clearly conflicted, like he is arguing with himself. But then he lets out a big sigh. "But i can't.. I have to do this. It's just going to continue if i don't.. and you deserve better than that.. Our child deserves better than that.." His voice becomes more sure, but it still has a sad tone to it. He starts walking around the room slowly. "Being with you... it.. it makes me human again.. I can't have that.. Not for what I'm about to do." Thinking about what he has to do makes him think about what he has become. Walking around the room made him take notice of something in another room, so he walks in the doorway to take a closer look, and he sees that it was exactly what he thought it was.
Its a crib, broken and far from usable. He feels a tear go down his face as he is reminded of whats at stake in this, why he was doing this, but also what he will miss if he doesn't come back alive..

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Re: We can't continue like this - Lucile

Indlæg by Gæst on Ons 29 mar - 15:05

She was used to rejection. At least she was now that her memory had been wiped, before him, all she had ever experienced in her life was rejection. Well not counting in Wade, but with Wade it was different, it was just a matter of surviving together. There was no emotional attachment, not like there was with Nicholas. But she was used to it.
After all, she was raised with it, her parents, the few friends she had had in her life. It was all the same to her, rejection over and over. So when he pushed her away, she didn’t really seem affected by it. Yeah of course it hurt her, but it would’ve been more hurtful if she had her memory. All she knew at the moment was that all the people she had met had been rejecting her. She sat up against the wall and pulled her knees to her chest, hugging her legs as she listened to him speak. She scoffed at his words, turning her face away from his direction as she chose to stay silent.
She exhaled quietly as she leaned her head back against the wall. “If you cant handle having your humanity back, then you do not deserve to have it back in the first place. If you believe it makes you weaker, then you were already weak.” She said, looking at the door they entered from. She didn’t want to look at him, not really. She couldn’t explain to herself why this was hurting her and for some reason she didn’t want to know either. She rubbed below her collarbone as if she would be able to stop the aching heart in her chest.
But if this is what our love is, I do not want it. I don’t want to remember you.” She said in a cold and yet so serious tone. She swallowed nothing but air as she continued. “What’s the point of remembering anyway, if you leave as soon as night falls, just to get yourself killed. So I can linger on what have been and what could have? No.” she said as she clenched her teeth. She wanted to get up, she just wanted to leave. Go away and never look back. Why even bother to risk remembering more things that would end up hurting her?
Just remember this. The moment one of us leaves that door.” She lifted her finger to point at the front door. “You might never see me again. And I’m not talking about death. You’re already dead.” She let her hand fall to the floor, making a loud thump sound as it hit the floorboards. Then she pulled the hand to her just to hug her legs again. She had nothing more to say to him. Now it was just a waiting game.

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Re: We can't continue like this - Lucile

Indlæg by Gæst on Ons 29 mar - 17:47

As he was standing in the doorway he heard what she said to him. "I know i don't deserve to have it back.. i already wasted it... It doesn't make you weak, humanity makes you strong, and that's what i can't have.. It will make it harder to break my oath.." He feels emptier inside than before, a dead heart was probably the cause of most of that. But when he was sitting with Lucile just now, it made him feel whole again, which made it all that worse doing this. What she continued to say broke his heart, she was right about it all, and it was for the best, but it hurt like nothing he had felt before. I don’t want to remember you, just to get yourself killed, You might never see me again.. He could feel his heart becoming more hollow the more she spoke about it, You’re already dead.. She was right, he died the day he let his guard down to Neph, he should never have gone to Lucile after that, it would be better if she just thought he died then and there, he would of spared her form all of this shit..

Tears had been running like a river down his face as he listened to what she said, he still had his look into the baby's room so she wouldn't notice it. He was just an empty shell now, a leech, a piece of shit that brought nothing but misery with him. A few seconds of silence had gone by before he sniffs and leans of the door frame, slowly making his way in the room to the opposite side. He leans his head and forearms against the wall, looking down as his face is trembling, struggling to not make any sound she would hear. He had never been good with handling emotions without her by his side, and now that the emotions came from hurting her, it made it a lot worse. The only way was to redirect his focus on something else, repressing the emotions. So he picks up a glass shard from the broken window next to him and cuts his arm, making his blood run down his arm, but it wasn't enough, with immortality came a greater resistant to pain. He drops the shard, making it shatter as it hits the ground, then he drags one of the boards blocking the window a bit down, making a ray of sunshine appear. As he can't deal with the emotional pain, he had to deal with a physical one, so he holds out his hand and feels it burn like he's holding a glowing red rod straight from a blacksmiths furnace. He clenches his teeth as his hand starts to tremble out of control, leaving the rest of his body to follow. But it doesn't stop, he holds his hand in the same place until his thoughts move from Lucile to the pain in his hand, he starts to unconsciously groan the longer it goes on. The second his thoughts move to his hand, he moves it out of the sunlight, leaving extreme burns on his palm. Then he exhales deeply, feeling the trembles in his breath, he makes a fist on the wounded hand clenches it tight, pressing it for more pain as he walks back over to the crib. Then picks up the broken parts and places it in the crib, leaning on it as he still feels tears drip down, landing inside the crib.
It felt so damn unfair, the cut on his cheek, on his lip, they had all healed, it was like he was avoiding deserving punishment and it felt horrible, he didn't want any of this. "I'm so sorry Lucile..." He lets out faintly to himself, it was clear that his desperate attempt to avoid his thoughts had not worked..

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Re: We can't continue like this - Lucile

Indlæg by Gæst on Ons 29 mar - 18:03

She was just sitting there holding her legs as he walked around in the other room. She did hear the breaking of glass, the boards being removed from the window, but she didn’t move a muscle. The Lucile that she was would have moved. She would have gotten up and stopped him. Told him that it would all be okay, comfort him to the best of her ability. But she wasn’t that Lucile right now. And it didn’t seem to ever be changed. So she just sat there, listening.
She just kept staring at the door, considering over to just go. But the questions, the chance of possibly remembering. Even though she said that she didn’t want to remember, she knew that deep inside it wasn’t true. Of course she wanted to remember, it wasn’t nice to have a hole in her memory, especially of something that seemed so important that her body was experiencing all these odd emotions that her mind could not explain. Lucy wasn’t saying anything either, she was so quiet. Why were she quiet now of all times?
A deep exhale left her lips as she got up from the floor, walking over to the room that Nicholas was in. She looked at him and noticed the tears but she wasn’t fazed by it. Her eyes were more filled with an underlying emptiness that couldn’t be explained by mere words. She then looked away before turning her back to him. “I’m leaving.” She simply said in a toneless voice - But it was clear that she was hurting. Wasn’t leaving, the best option anyway? What was here for her? Memories filled with misery? She looked at the front door, once again conflicted about staying or leaving. She was caught up in her own thoughts as she remained within the frame of the door, with an empty expression.
A couple of minutes passed before she then let go of the frame and started walking. This was for the best… right? She grabbed the handle of the front door, not letting herself have second thoughts, but she was still being slow enough for him to stop her. He could still stop her from leaving, if he really wanted her to.

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Re: We can't continue like this - Lucile

Indlæg by Gæst on Ons 29 mar - 19:59

The crib that made him worry so much about the future of his child, also gave him a small amount of comfort, like he somehow knew that the child would be alright. He wouldn't be gone for that long, enough to get help from someone and to take Ramsay down, after that.. He would be home, as hard as it was to believe it, he had to, for Lucile and the child, he was not going in thinking he would die there. His train of thoughts were interrupted as he noticed Lucile standing in the doorway. He wipes his face from tears "Yea?" he lets out faintly as he waits for what she was going to say. And what she says feels like a gut punch, his eyes flickers around the crib as she just stood there.

A couple of minutes had passed but it felt like seconds to him, racing though his mind, trying to see how it wold all play out, how he could keep her safe without doing this to her. "I.. I understand.." He says with a broken voice, before she leaves the door frame and heads for the front door. His grip gets tighter on the cribs edges as he feels so idiotic for letting her go.
He lets go and walks after her, "Lucile wait" He says with a worried voice and placing a hand on her shoulder, stopping her from leaving. "Just stop her, don't make her leave, are you really going to let her go through with this? Just say the goddamn words you idiot!" His yelles at himself in his head. He clenches hit teeth for a second as he closes his eyes. "Please stay safe... Be with Tatia, Wade, Jonathan.. anyone.." He says as his struggles to keep his voice calm. If she leaves he would lean on the door a few seconds before letting rage take. Starting to break things around the house, taking his aggression out on himself and the things around him..

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Re: We can't continue like this - Lucile

Indlæg by Gæst on Ons 29 mar - 20:45

She felt his grip on her shoulder and for a second she felt her body wanting to give in. Just turn around and jump into his arms, because that was what her body was telling her. But she couldn’t explain why and that was what was pissing her off so much. All these feelings with no explanation, an explanation he wouldn’t give her even if she asked him to. She turned her face to look at him and she listened to him.
She shifted from eye to eye as her face was expressionless. It was probably wise of him to have closed his eyes. She then shook her head. “I have no idea who they are.” She then said before pulling her shoulder to her, removing his grip. It was tearing her heart apart but her head was clear as it had ever been. She turned back to the door, hesitant to walk out. But she had to.
Don’t come and look for me if you’re not ready to have me in your life. If you even get to find me, that is..” Was her last words before she opened the door and went out. She felt the unwanted tears roll down her cheeks as she walked away. This was so unfair.

// End of topic Crying or Very sad Crying or Very sad Crying or Very sad

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Re: We can't continue like this - Lucile

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