I'm kidding myself (poem)

I'm kidding myself.

I'm kidding myself, so simple is that.
Nothing and no one can ever substitute you.
Why am I then still trying?

I have giving up hope for you.
Of course I can't ever have an angel like you,
when I'm the beast of darkness.
Who could ever love a broken beast?

I can still remember like it was yesterday.
The sweet smell of you, when you hold me in your strong arms.
The warmth from your body, when you was close to me.
The soft angel like skin against my body.
The divine love in your eyes.

Tears running down on my cheeks,
when I remember what I once had with you.
But the shame drives through my soul.
I wasn't meant for you my angel.

How can I ever have allowed me
taking so much precious time of your divine life?
Please god forgive me for have touched your child.
But never forgive me, if it wont let him be happy.

I'm trying to run away
but anyhow I'm ending up by your side,
like a dog and its master.
My heart can't and wont let me go.
My heart still lies behind your limed ribs with your heart.

The razor sharp pain of shame drives through my body.
How could I even try to replace you?
HOW COULD I?
How could I try to replace such a perfect thing?
But the pain of privation is just so fucking unbearable.

So here I'm sitting, realizing,
who am I kidding?
I'm not meant for happiness,
specially when I have touch the divine creature.
Its my needing punishment.
For not being good enough for you.
For not being capable to keep you here
For not give what you needed.

So now my other half of my punishment
is to see, what my incapability have done.
Now I see lonely you sigh after your unreachable girl,
What have I done?
Am I really a beast of destruction?

Looking around, seeing all the opportunities,
seeing the hearts falling for me.
But I can't take them,
'cause my heart belongs to him.
Now I not only giving him pain, now all the others too.
What beast am I?
A profane succubus of destructible temptation?