Might be the last time you see me. Spend it well - Nicholas

She had been walking the streets for a while now. She didn’t even remember how it used to be walking in the forest – Supposedly one of the side effects of having your memory wiped and not restored back to normal. She had come to like the streets, watching how people interacted with one-another. Being in the city also made her new hobby a lot more easier. She was a killer now, but some old traits still lingered. After all, bones and muscles had memory too, memories that not even Ramsay could take away. She only killed when she was hungry. Any other occasion didn’t talk to her dark side.
Everything changed when some guy grabbed her hand and tried to pull her with him. In a panic she pulled out her long-bladed dagger and jabbed it in his hand, stabbing her own arm in the process. The guy was with another guy and to him, he said:” Tell him we’ve found her,” this sparked some curiosity in Lucile. Before the other guy could get to run, she let go of the dagger connecting her and the man, to then pull out a smaller knife, throwing it at the young man. It hit perfectly and the young man fell to the ground. Then she turned her attention to the man.
If the door was locked, it still wasn’t a problem for a well-fed blood demon to just break it – Even without even making a noise. She stepped in and looked around. The feeling of everything being so familiar and yet so unknown was starting to piss her off. She walked into the study where she sat down on the table with a loud thump-sound. She sighed quietly as her eyes moved around the room. She knew that he would be home, it was daytime after all. She put down her dagger next to her, but her hand still lingered over it, just in case.
She felt some blood roll down her chin and used her shirt to remove it. Her eyes was still busy moving around the room, trying to figure out these odd feelings going on inside of her. She had had a good time with Josette, actually feeling like everything made sense again. And now she was here and it was all back to scrap. She sighed loudly before getting up. Maybe it was a mistake to come here. What was she expecting? Wasn’t she the one who told him that he might not never be able to find her again? So why was she seeking him out?

She was on her way out to never come back again. She had no memories of this place anyway, so why would she come here? As she was heading out, she heard him drop the bag shortly before his arms wrapped themselves around her. She felt her heart pound in her chest as the rest of her body seemed to want to give in to the hug. She was in some sort of trance caused by the hug and for a second she considered hugging him back. But then he let go of her, breaking the trance, removing all the feelings that lied in the hug.
Because of that, she quickly turned around, as he stepped back she stepped forward, lifting her knife while pressing the tip against his chest, either piercing him or forcing him to back away – Only that she’d follow him all the way back into the study. “I’m guessing you’re talking about the truth that you refused to tell me back when you had the chance? You know, she actually cared for me when no one else seemed to.” She said with clenched teeth before moving the knife back, still holding it up as if she needed to defend herself.
“I can tell. I had to kill two of your friends as they seemed to want to take me here. At first I thought of just staying away, but something made me come here anyway.” She was so angry. She still remembered the cabin, all of what had happened, because it was the only actual memories in her mind. The rest was just made up memories of something that didn’t seem to make sense.
She exhaled deeply before lowering the knife, yet still holding it. She walked over to the table where she had been sitting before and sat back down. She then shook her head as she just felt more angry about seeing him. “I still don’t want to be found. That’s why this is my goodbye.” She then said with a trembling voice, but it was just all her anger coming out. Why did her heart suddenly ache by the sight of him? Why did all she want be to feel his arms around her once more?  
Her anger caused her to tighten the grip on the knife, making her stab wound on the arm bleed once again. She groaned lightly and looked down on her arm. But she didn’t want him near her, she didn’t want to know what his touch could possibly trigger. So if he moved near her, she’d lift her knife with an angry look. “Stay back. Don’t touch me.” She warned him.

She wasn’t really expecting him to stop, but instead of being all surprised about it, she just glared at him, letting the knife sit as he spoke. Her lip was trembling a little bit by what he was saying but the rest of her face ridden from all emotions. “You don’t exactly know what it’s like to have your memory wiped, do you? It doesn’t matter what you feel for the person, if they offer you something that seems like the truth. It wasn’t the actual truth but it was enough to finally clean up my mind. Do you know how freeing that is? Oh, no wait you haven’t had your memory wiped and then had the only person who seemed to be able to fix it, deny you that.” She barked at him before removing the knife, turning her back to him as she sat down at the table.
She exhaled once again as she tried to calm down. Her heart was pounding in her chest from all the anger and she was probably only a few triggering mentions from attacking him with the knife. To his question about her being hurt she shook her head. “I accidentally cut all the way through his hand while he was holding my arm. It’s nothing really.” She then said. She glanced down at the arm with the dark shirt that would later soak up the blood from her wound. There was no hole in the shirt, because her sleeves had been up when the man grabbed her, making the wound easier to be covered up.
She scoffed at his remark about her goodbye. She truly didn’t really believe that if it really came down to it that he could really stop her. He was after all a vampire, bound to the darkness. As soon as she’d get out in the sunlight, she’d be far off from his reach. “You’re tied to this place. I could leave if I want to. How would you stop me from going out the door?” she asked and tilted her head as she pinched her eyes at him.
When he asked her to cut him, she quickly lunged out for him with the knife, not a deep cut but a small one across his cheek, just to let him know that she wasn’t just messing around. She stared angrily at him before lowering the knife to the table. She glanced down at her arm before looking up at him again, then lifting it so he could check the wound.  
“You were the one who let me leave.” She scoffed at him before turning her face away from him. She remembered what Tatia had told her a few days ago, it made her exhale angrily. Her eyes carefully looked down at her stomach. It wasn’t visible due to the shirt but she knew that it was growing as every day passed by. Tatia’s words to Lucy about having to raise the kid on her own and the possibility of Ramsay just snatching it away. Maybe that was why she came here. She then shook her head to get the thoughts out and looked at him. “Whoever I was. I am no longer that person. With or without my memories. I hope you do realize that.” She remarked with a serious tone, even though she didn’t really have any idea. But she did feel that if her memories were to come back, it wouldn’t change the things she had done or who she had become.

Of course she didn’t know that he had gone through something similar. She kept listening and even though what he said made sense, she was still very angry. “For all I know, I could have no life at all.” She simply said afterwards, pulling one side of her mouth up – But not in a smile. She however pinched her eyes at him calling himself faster and stronger. She glanced down at the knife and  then back at him. “But I’m a better fighter. And by the looks of it, it seems that you’d rather have me kill you than ever hurting me. That’s a pretty big advantage on my side.” She then said with a small smirk on her lips. But her own words was making her insides turn and hurt – For what reason she still had no idea. But she wasn’t going to show him any indicating emotions of how she was feeling.
When he touched her arm, feeling his fingers on her skin made her clench her teeth and for a second she wanted to pick up the knife and stab his hand to stop him from touching her further. She hated how his touch seemed to calm her down when she didn’t want to be calmed down – Why would she want that? She tried her best to try and stay angry, fixating her mind on the fact that he denied her what she needed and now claimed that the one person who didn’t, was suddenly a liar.
She shook her head in disbelief by his words. “You may be right, but I am still a different person now than from who I possibly used to be.” She said with determination of her own words. As he finished wrapping her arm in the bandage, she suddenly grabbed his wrist and carefully ran her fingers up his arm with a confused expression. She listened to his fact about her, but she was too focused right now on the feeling she got from touching his arm. Then she looked up into his eyes and blinked a couple of times with an angry look.
“How can I trust your word? What has suddenly made you change your mind into wanting to tell me the so called ‘truth’? Why isn’t this just you making me believe something to make me into whoever you want me to be?” she then asked him before her eyes quickly glanced at his lips. She gulped quietly as she was trying to understand the sudden urge to kiss him – However she ended up letting go of his arm and moved her fingers away before looking away.

When he doubted her ability in being able to kill him, she shook her head and scoffed. “If you stood in the way of me and leaving, not even these memories in my bones would stop me from tearing you apart.” She said in a rather dark voice. Even if he was right, she still didn’t want to believe that he was. She wanted to stay in control but she started feeling as if he was the one who was in control of everything.
“You sure seem so optimistic now. But who knows. Maybe we’re both wrong. Maybe I will end up being no one. We don’t know what bringing my memories back would cause.” She then said, just trying to pull out any negative thing that she could think of. Maybe making him angry would stop this weird feeling inside of her, make her able to just get up and leave. She couldn’t even pretend like she had something important to do, because she had already eaten, actually very shortly before she came here. She did after all only kill if she was going to eat her victim afterwards.
The reasoning he put behind her staying seemed too good to be true. She ran her fingers through the short hair and moved her eyes away from his as she gave it some thought. She was quiet for quite some time, before she felt something, his hand over hers. At first she wasn’t really sure how to react.
Having his hand on her hand made her look back at him, she wanted to move her hand away, only that her body wouldn’t let her. So instead she just stared at his hand as she felt him touch her neck. She gulped quietly and shook her head at his question before her eyes moved up to meet his. “You know that I don’t know… So stop the teasing and just get to the point..” she then said lowly, with a rather sad voice. Why was he smiling like that? And why was it making her heart lighter?
Suddenly she lifted her hand and pushed him a bit away, hoping that it would help her regain some control of her emotions. She was struggling so hard with staying angry, at least at him. Instead, it was making her angry at herself – Why was she letting him touch her and talk to her like he was? He could just be another Josette, trying to put things in her head that wasn’t true.

Her fingers ran down the mark as he explained it to her. She just looked at him and then pinched her eyes. “But where is my mark on you then? Why is it only me having some sort of mark?” she then asked as she tilted her head. It would only make sense if the both of them had one-another’s mark, unless she of course was some sort of slave – Which she highly doubted just from the way he was treating her. He seemed so happy, that she almost wanted to believe anything he told her. But she told herself to stay strong and be critic of anything that he was going to say.
The kiss felt so nice. She sort of froze, or her mind did for a split second. Her hand that was holding his, let go and moved up his arm, grabbing the fabric of the shirt just below the elbow. She moved away after a while and exhaled deeply as she felt her insides tremble. “Why do I want more..?” she whispered loud enough for him to hear as her eyes shifted between his. Then she looked back down at his lips, not sure if she wanted to continue. It seemed so dangerous.
“Not a memory... it did bring back something… How you turned me down…” she then said as her eyes starting getting watery. She remembered everything from the cabin and in almost an instant all the nice feelings that she was feeling in this moment turned into fear, the fear of getting  rejected once again. Even though it didn’t really make sense that he’d reject her when he was the one doing it, she still couldn’t help but stick to what she knew. She let go of him as she started rubbing her eyes to get the tears away. She didn’t want to cry right now, it would just make her seem weak, at least in her eyes.
Whatever he was trying to do, if it was to make her remember or give in didn’t matter. And she knew that. So in a last desperate attempt, she picked up the knife and pressed it to his chest, trying to get him to move away from her once again. But she knew that she couldn’t hurt him any longer. If he wouldn’t move, she wouldn’t make the knife hurt him. Her hand was shaking a little bit. She was so scared, scared because his touch gave her all sorts of feelings that she couldn’t remember feeling and that itself was scary, and yet he just seemed so calm. Couldn’t he understand how scary it really was?  

There was something about all this that just made it all seem too good to be true. Had it not been that the memories in her body was forcing her to stay, wanting to find out what they meant, she would have most probably left already. But now that she was feeling these feelings, she wanted to figure out why. Why his touch was making her insides turn in such a nice way, how his kiss left a teasing tingle on her lips and the “worst” of them all being the cravings. How she would just want more and more of him, and nothing seemed to be enough. She wanted to understand.
But the rejection had already left it’s mark in her. Made her scared of being the one to engage. As he hugged her, she wanted to hug him back, but it was hurtful, it still hurt even if he promised her that it wouldn’t happen again.
She just stared at him when he asked her about being scared, holding the knife loosely pressed against his chest – So much for wanting to seem threatening. She more of less waited for his move, and when he moved in on her, she dropped the knife, letting the handle hit her thigh before falling to the floor with a quiet clank. As he kissed her, her hands ran up his shirt and grabbed the fabric tight. Her heart was pounding and she was still so scared – But it felt so safe with him. She opened her eyes as their lips parted and looked at him, letting go of his shirt with one hand, which followed up along his chest, past his collarbones, neck until it was on his cheek.
Her eyes shifted between his as her other hand started pulling his shirt, pulling him closer to her. She pushed her lips onto his in a brief but rather meaningful kiss, yet as she broke off the kiss, her lips was still on his as she whispered. “It’s not only my heart talking right now… Something else is speaking louder..” she panted lowly before pressing her forehead against his. Nevertheless, she wasn’t going to go any further than that. She was too worried to be rejected again, even though he had just said that he’d never do it again. She exhaled deeply as she leaned back to look at his face again, using the hand on his face to stroke his cheek with her thumb.
“How do you do it… make my heart feel like it’s going to explode…?” she asked faintly. Would it seem wrong that she was actually trying to resist these unknown cravings that were only building up as the went on? Truth be told, there wasn’t really any fight in it. She was already caught by him, ready to surrender if she had to. She was his.

She wanted the kiss to last longer, but then again, she was once more too scared of being rejected. So it was up to him to engage anything, at least for the time being. Hopefully he’d understand her fear or maybe he didn’t. It wouldn’t change how scared she was of rejection. But she was tempted to just lean back in and resume the kiss, make it last forever if she could. But she didn’t. Instead she kept herself close to him, as she continued her whisper.
When he got all worried about what she was saying about something else speaking to her, she couldn’t help but to chuckle and then laugh for at short while. As she shook her head, she took the time to answer his question. “The same that speaks to you whenever someone you like does something pleasant..” with a slight smile over her lips – A genuine happy smile. It was like she was forgetting all the scary thoughts that were in her mind at this very moment with him. Like nothing else mattered but him. It felt so familiar, this feeling.
As he sat down close to her, she looked at him as she asked her question, having to let go of his face unwillingly as he had to get the chair. She lifted her eyebrows at his words and smiled a little bit. She exhaled and felt her shoulders fall down in a relaxed position as she was getting more comfortable. She let the silence linger, not in some uncomfortable way, actually a silence that was bearable, just enjoying the feeling of Nicholas being near her again.
He grabbed her leg, which made her drop her gaze to look at him. At first, she was a bit confused, but then his question cleared it all up. She bit her lower lip thoughtfully and unconsciously as she considered it. Then she smiled gently and nodded with her head as confirmation. His fingers around her leg as it was, was quite relaxing. As her shoe was taken off, she suddenly lifted her foot and put it against his chest, pressing him back against the chair as she pinched her eyes at him. “You’re not going to do something bad, are you?” she asked him rather anxiously, shortly before letting her foot fall down in his lap again, sighing at her own doubtfulness.

She knew that she wasn’t making this easy for him. But she couldn’t help it. It was just that her body really wanted to give in, her mind wasn’t really at first, but the more he tried, the more accustomed her mind had started becoming. She chuckled at his tease as she let her foot fall down. She looked at his hands as he started working on her foot. She bit her lip softly as it was hurting at first – Then slowly getting more and more comfortable and relaxing. As soon as he touched her thigh, she flinched – Not in some extreme way, but feeling his hands on her thigh was too much of a familiar feeling. She put her hand over his and looked at it while she was thinking, trying to figure out what the feeling was associated with. But nothing could help her memory. She let go of his hand as soon as he wanted to start on the other leg, she listened to him as he spoke. She sighed lightly and shook her head. “Well. It seems so.” She replied, seeming a bit more distant, yet it was just due to the massage really getting to her.
As he worked his thumbs around her skin, massaging the muscles into relaxing, she felt a weird tension in her. She hadn’t exactly ever tried having anyone massage her, at least she knew from the lack of muscle memory. This was completely new for her and it felt just as weird as it felt nice. But it was odd for her. These new feelings and all just being sparked by the touch of his. So she didn’t say anything, instead she let him work the way he wanted to, closing her eyes and just enjoying it all. She didn’t even know that it was over until he spoke again, she noticed the seductive tone as he stood up and held her waist. She looked him in the eyes with some unexplainable eagerness over them. Like she was waiting for his next move – And she didn’t even know if he was going to make one.
The kiss, his touch, it was all too overwhelming for her. Her hands found their way up to his chest, and it would seem that she was all up for pushing him away but instead she fastened her grip around the fabric of his shirt, trying to pull him as close as possible. She closed her eyes as she gave in to the kiss. As their lips parted, she felt as if the kiss had been top quick. Her breath was heavy at this point and her eyes strayed away, trying to figure out what she was feeling. "Show me." She whispered as a late response to his statement about missing her. She wanted to know exactly how much he had missed her. Moreover, in a way, if things were going in the way she thought they were, she could be lucky to have a memory triggered from it.
Either way, before he could do anything, her hands moved up to his face as she lifted herself up to kiss him eagerly on his lips. Her arms locked themselves around his neck, just to make sure that he couldn’t leave her now. However, after a while, she realized that she was completely giving into her body’s wants instead of thinking with her head, so she broke off the kiss, gently pressing the bridge of her nose against his chin so she could exhale deeply and regain some self control. "I'm sorry..." she apologized faintly through her deep breaths. But was it really just an apology for him? Or was it also to herself? She scoffed at herself and how silly she was behaving – She really wasn’t going to make this easy for him, was she?

"But if I give in I might not focus enough to see it either..." she said in a rather sad tone. She looked up to meet his eyes and lifted her hand to touch his face again. She bit her lip and looked down shortly before looking back up at him. "I want this... more than anything... just... be patient with me.." she said lowly, but clear enough for him to understand her words. She didnt mind the change at all. As soon as he lifted her, she latched onto him, wrapping her arms around his shoulders and pressed herself close to him.
She had to let go of him as he put her down on the sofa, but her hands held a firm grasp on his shoulders. She looked at him as he stroke her cheek, and she listened to his words. She smiled lightly before their lips met, something she had come to enjoy, not just as a bodily memory, but her mind starting to want more as well. She put her hand around him and onto his back as she gave into her own cravings. "Nicholas..." she whispered as she looked at him through half closed eyes. She tilted her head to the side and panted lightly as she was trying to control her heartbeat again.
As her heart seemed to calm down a bit, she looked back at him with a smile on her lips. "Never stop..." she then said, in a loving yet serious voice. But she was going to let him stay in control of it all. After all he was the one who knew what to do, even if she were to follow her feelings, her memory being gone left her clueless of what to do. One thing did she know quite clear and it was that she wanted to feel closer to him, which she couldnt as long as he was wearing his shirt. So before she said anything, not even asking for permission which made her hesitant and unsure, her hand found its way to the top of his shirt and started unbuttoning - slow, which might would've seemed like a tease, but it was more of an opportunity to let him stop her, in case he didn't want it.

"There is nothing to see or think about, what you feel will show you what is missing." He kept a calm voice, in truth he had no idea if any of this would help with recovering anything, but he did know it would make them feel a lot better about the situation. It just felt right to say, at the moment it made sense to him as well, because every time they were together everything just felt right to him, so maybe that would be the case for her too.
When she confirmed that she wanted this it made him relieved to hear that she didn't feel pressured about it. "Of course, i would stay here with you for the rest of my life if it took that long.. You two are the most important things in my life, so there is no place I'd rather be.." His voice was becoming more mellow as he continued. He was going to take everything slow as she asked for, even thought that was his plans either way, but now he knew that she wanted it as well which made it less worrying.

Her lips was as soft as ever, every kiss was like a new experience because it never got tiring, there was no getting enough of her, that was just not possible. As she fasten her grip around him and said his name he looked down at her with a curious yet loving face, wondering what she was going to say. He had been listening to her heart since their first kiss and he noticed how it slowed down before speaking to him again, like she was trying to remain in control. Did that mean she was about to give in? Her response made his smile wider. "I wouldn't dream of it.." He says teasingly as he went down to kiss her more, moving over her cheek to her upper neck when he felt her unbutton his shirt let out a quick and faint pant next to her ear which was from an internal chuckle as she was the one starting to advance. He continued giving her gentle kisses on her upper neck until she undid the last button, then leaned back up and shook his shoulders, making the shirt fall down off him to the ground. "Your turn.." he says with a warm grin before leaning back down and starts to undo the laces on her shirt as he kisses her, being slightly more demanding with his lips than before.
When the laces were loose, he leaned back just enough to start dragging the shirt off slowly, looking her in the eyes with their lips just out of reach of each other. Their bodies were getting more skin to skin contact as the shirt was taken off, feeling her warm soft skin on his rough cold one was more noticeable now than before seeing as he no longer had the same temperature as a human, making him enjoy her warmth more now than than ever.

She smiled heartily when he said that the baby and her was the two most important people to him. It felt so nice to hear, so she couldn’t anything but smile and hold him as close as she could as he carried her to the sofa.  
When he took off her shirt, she chuckled a little bit. It was odd, because she was sure that she would feel some sort of discomfort with being exposed in this sort of way, yet no feeling of that kind was anywhere to find within herself with him. It almost felt relieving, having the fabric removed so she could feel his skin close to hers.
The coldness wasn’t something that she was used to though. Her eyes closed for a short while as a memory came back to her. She carefully dragged her fingers down his back before opening her eyes to look back into his. “You used to be warm. Very warm. I remember because I liked it. I remember liking it,” She started before stopping her hand at his lower back, pressing her palm loosely against his skin so she wouldn’t affect him with anything else than her touch. “But I remember when you were cold too… You jumped into bed to steal my warmth.” She whispered with a happy tone, the memory was a good one so of course she’d be happy remembering it.
She sighed quietly and tried to see if there was more of the memory that she’d be able to pull forward, though it didn’t seem to help that she was trying hard to remember. She wasn’t however aware that she was also showing how hard she was trying to remember, squinting her eyes, and puckering her lips ever so slightly while staring at the ceiling. Remembering things were so difficult, at least it seemed to her like it was.
“Memories are hard. I guess they weren’t supposed to be easy getting back..” she murmured slightly annoyed before wrapping her arms around his neck, still looking at the ceiling. “What do you remember?” she then asked as she looked him in the eyes with a curious look. She wasn’t sure if it would help at all, but at least it would be worth a try.

When she chuckled as her shirt went off it made him smirk a bit seeing as she seemed to be happy and comfortable, he was half kneeling half laying on her with both of his legs outside hers. Even though being a vampire meant not being affected by temperature her warm skin still brought a lot of comfort to him, but it also reminded him of what he was, what he had taken away from her, especially when she said it herself. It hurt, but not because she said it or that he took it as an insult, it was simply because it was true, it was his fault that this happened to him and it was at her expense. He kept his smile up to keep her happy but it stung on the inside, when she continued however it made his smile go wider as he got reminded of the memory she was on about. "Hah, yeah, one of the great memories of us together, i was freezing and you were so warm and soft so i couldn't help it" Ending it with a light chuckle as his tone had become warmer as he spoke.

He could see that she was thinking hard about something, it was written all over her face and it was a good thing, she had already remembered something, maybe she just needed a slight push to get over the blockage. He smiled at what she said before responding. "The mind is a tricky thing, it's different for everyone but i think you just need the right triggers for them, time will fill in the gaps." he felt her arms around his neck as she asked for more of the memory, he looked her in the eyes before another smile formed on his lips. Then he falls down next to her and wraps his arms around her, planting a kiss on her shoulder. "Well, i remember that we needed that break from the world, it was like time itself stopped around us and we were alone, a quiet cabin with a nice fireplace and a warm bed. I wanted to surprise you so i had to run outside in the middle of night to get all the water we needed for a long nice bath together. I remember we had some fun and talked about our child and what to name them. I also remember leaving a big mess for Wade to clean up" his voice was soft as he was thinking back to the day it happened, holding Lucile close to him as he told her. He had really missed this, more than anything else in the world. Her touch, her smell, her voice, just talking with her and spending time together, he felt like his heart wasn't dead anymore, not when she was there. I was going to find a way to be with her at all times, no matter what it took, he wasn't going to let this thing get between them. He loved her so much he actually felt physical pain in his heart the time she was gone, even thought that was impossible, and as a doctor he would know, and yet it was somehow there.

He moved his head next to her neck while squeezing her tight briefly. "I'm sorry for everything i've put you through Lucile, i Love you more than you'll ever know. I am forever yours if you would have me and i will spend the rest of my life making up for it, starting with your memory. Is there anything in particular you want to know? Or should i just reminisce?" He says with a warm voice before kissing her neck once. She was everything to him so there wouldn't be any problems thinking back, there were so many good memories that he cherished and sharing them with her once again felt almost like a privilege, like they were both back in time going through it again.